Breakdown
by Origo Mali
Summary: Fuji suffers a breakdown at realizing something he’s always know even if it is all in his head.


A/N: this was written a while ago but I just found the file on my computer to upload it This is my very first Tenipuri story.

Title: Breakdown  
Characters/parings: Fuji  
Rating: Pg-13 for angst  
Summary: Fuji suffers a breakdown at realizing something he's always know; even if it is all in his head.  
Disclamer: I don't own, you don't sue  
Warnings: Angst.

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It was the middle of April, rain always seemed to be covering the tennis courts. It came down in sheets, blanketing the little world that they created around them. The constant rain left everything cold and damp, the chill worked its way deep into a person. Fuji Syusuke was no exception. 

Staring out his bedroom window, watching the water droplets run down the glass, for the first time he felt truly lost. He didn't know how it had came to this. This feeling of helplessness that invaded his subconscious, always present in everything he did. The feeling that he was falling. Deeper and deeper into the darkness that seemed to cling to him, that wanted to swallow him alive. And here, within this abyss, there was nothing to grab on to, nothing to catch him.

There was going to be no one to save him. He was going to drown and there was no way to get to the surface again. Syusuke had come to except this, it was a question of time now. How long was it going to take before he fully lost himself to this? Even he, the tensai, no longer seemed to know.

His desk lamp illuminated most of the respectable room in a soft warm glow. Yet the shadows seemed to be pressing ever closer, or perhaps they had always been there and Syusuke just never noticed them before. A flash of lightning illuminated the entire room, momentarily casting away all the shadows. He sighed, the light could always chase away the shadows, but then the light would simply disappear, once again plunging him into the darkness.

Syusuke wanted the light to stay. He wanted just to bask in it, feel the light bring warmth back into his cold world. Even though he knew it was a hopeless wish, a fantasy, it was something he desperately wanted. Something that deep down, he knew he needed, no matter how much he denied it.

He could remember the warmth, the happiness. Though at times it seemed more like a faded dream then a memory. Back before things went wrong, before he was viciously ripped apart then cast aside like the unwanted toy of a spoiled child. Some how that analogy seem so very fitting. A self mocking smirk briefly twisted itself across Syusuke's face at the irony of it, before it quickly morphed into tears.

The twisted smile seemed to be stuck on his face, permanently marring his normally beautiful image. Even through the tears that streaked down his face, he continued to smirk at his own defeated expression that was mirrored back to himself in the darkened window pane. If only someone could see him now, see who Fuji Syusuke truly was. This ugly, broken person that couldn't seem to be able to even save himself.

Syusuke realized it right then. How is mind was no longer intact. How his fears were not only justified, but they had come to be reality. The darkness, the shadows weren't trying to swallow him alive,_ they all ready had_.

Some how he found that strangely funny. Actually it was quite hilarious to Syusuke, and he began to laugh at the image reflected back. Once he started he couldn't stop. Just looking at how far he had fallen was enough to send the once content tensai into hysterics. He was crying just as hard as he was laughing at this perverse change in himself. Then just as sudden as it started, the amusement he found left, leaving him more alone and in pain then before.

The last part of his shattered mind had finally snapped. All of a sudden he couldn't breath, he couldn't think, the only thing that filled him was fear and pain. The tears flooded his vision, and suddenly he couldn't see. It felt like he was dying, though he knew he couldn't be.

Suddenly, desperately, he wished for someone to be there. _Anyone. _It didn't matter anymore, he just need someone to take the pain away. Choking sobs racked his small body as he clung to himself in an attempt to offer the protection and solace we was craving for. Nothing worked as he slumped down into his pillow, crying harder then he had ever cried before.

The next morning Syusuke found himself in almost the exact same position. Curled around his pillow, back against the wall, curled as tight as he could possible get. The tears from last night had left his eyes red and slightly puffy, though it was highly unlikely that anyone would really notice that. He pulled himself upright only then noticing the blanket that had been covering him as it feel off his shoulders and pooled around his waist.

He hadn't bothered with any covers last night, the tensai knew that. And he had never before grabbed for them in the middle of the night. A small sad smile flittered across his face. His sister must have come in after he had fallen asleep. It seemed she always knew when something was wrong, and this was her way of telling him that things could only get better from here. From where he was at the bottom, he could only go up.

It seemed that maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all, because, when you really thought about it, Yumiko was always right.


End file.
